I think relationships are slowly killing the hopeless romantic in me. The romantic that wants the fiery passion and the intimacy that comes with good romance. Easy conversation and serendipity upon the realization that you are with your best friend.

I know that people talk about manufactured affection and love, but can one really blame hallmark and St. Valentine for the phoniness that love seems to be now? Especially when it is expected that one plays the field and encouraged to use the odds of probability? Where how much you love me is how much you are willing to sign a pre-nuptial? Where one drunk night leads to an hasty wedding and an annulment in the same day and where 1 week with the same person is celebrated because even doing that is difficult?

When did it become okay to use people like tissue and consider their feelings collateral damage? 

I hope i don't become jaded and walk around like an indifferent zombie not expecting anything from anyone because that would be too much to hope for anything more than disappointment. Still, I feel that this constant hopeless romanticism might kill me in the end as the supposed collateral damage of my feelings get piled up on the wayside surrounded by invisible orange pile-ons as the wall that separates my heart from the rest of the world gets larger and more protected than the demilitarized zone between the Koreas. I hope, above all else, that it doesn't kill my joy in life and the pursuit of something more..something good in someone else.

Sometimes though, all I want to do is Go.