I wonder

i remember the first time i read through a short diary i kept as an elementary kid and then the first time i read through the period scribbles i wrote after. I remember thinking to myself how what becomes important and what becomes irrelevant changes as i grow, but who i am at the core is the same.

am i waiting for something? someone?

I think it is time i stopped being lazy and learn from my mistakes and stop whining and bitching about shit that doesnt matter.

Frankie says Relax

So I admit it, I am a control freak. And as a control freak, i naturally do no like to admit my faults...especially to people i like who i would want to view me as perfect. I know, stupid, unobtainable, but utterly human.

So new goal: learning to let go and let god...i think i end up having this goal periodically because i cant relax so here is another crack and what seems to be a gargantuan task. Thats right..i used an SAT word. :P

I think relationships are slowly killing the hopeless romantic in me. The romantic that wants the fiery passion and the intimacy that comes with good romance. Easy conversation and serendipity upon the realization that you are with your best friend.

I know that people talk about manufactured affection and love, but can one really blame hallmark and St. Valentine for the phoniness that love seems to be now? Especially when it is expected that one plays the field and encouraged to use the odds of probability? Where how much you love me is how much you are willing to sign a pre-nuptial? Where one drunk night leads to an hasty wedding and an annulment in the same day and where 1 week with the same person is celebrated because even doing that is difficult?

When did it become okay to use people like tissue and consider their feelings collateral damage? 

I hope i don't become jaded and walk around like an indifferent zombie not expecting anything from anyone because that would be too much to hope for anything more than disappointment. Still, I feel that this constant hopeless romanticism might kill me in the end as the supposed collateral damage of my feelings get piled up on the wayside surrounded by invisible orange pile-ons as the wall that separates my heart from the rest of the world gets larger and more protected than the demilitarized zone between the Koreas. I hope, above all else, that it doesn't kill my joy in life and the pursuit of something more..something good in someone else.

Sometimes though, all I want to do is Go.

the movie blog

ok given a lot of these movies have already passed...but some of the movies that i have watched lately that i think are decent:

Whats eating gilbert grape?
cry baby
like water for chocolate

thanks jess for talking with me today...i keep sleeping but i am still tired...it was great hearing comforting words from you and i miss hanging out with you terribly...especially on days like this

cloudy weather

Slow day today, mostly involving delicious malted chocolate ice cream and obsessive vote count watching on the world traveler intern site. I actually facebooked samantha brown to take a look at my video. lol i guess we will see if anything comes of that. :D

Sometimes
staring at the sky
sometimes blue
sometimes grey
sometimes yellow
is all you really need
to see the beauty of life

Whoaz

Thanks God
Seriously, I did what i loved and what inspired me and good things came from it. And the support! So overwhelming. I am exhausted, tired, and missed an appointment on accident but i am happy and I think I might be getting the hang of this networking thing :D

Good night

support

when i first started to apply to the STA World Traveler Internship, i am not going to lie, i found it daunting. I had to make a youtube video, but more than that, would  anyone even support this?

the answer...has been overwhelming. Not only was it positive, but people actually liked it. sounded like crazy talk. sure, i have friends of facebook...but many of them i havent talked to in years because they moved away...or i was gone...or whatever...what i didnt count on was the friends coming out of the woodwork to be my campaign groupies and cheer me on. not to mention the people who helped me film this music video-esque deal.

I have learned so much from this that i kind of want to win not only for me, but also for the people who voted for me who took the time out of their day to cheer me on and hope that i will win . :D WHOAZ